Friday 20 April 1917
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Dialect columnist, ‘Owd Abe,’ was not a happy man after being charged sixpence for a bottle of Guinness for his wife Liza Ann. It’s abaht put t’lid on! Ahr Liza Ann an’ me hasn’t hed a day’s halliday sin’ t’wahr started, I hevn’t spend a penny o’ new clooas – nobbud getting’ me booite soled – we’ve eyten margarine sin’ August 1914, nawther on us hez sugar i’ wer tea, we’ve nobbud hed meyte ta wer dinner nah an’ agean, we’ve goan to bed sooin to save gas, we’ve put sa monny bricks i’ t’firegrate it’s all bricks an’ noa fire, we’ve eyten porridge astead o’ bacon, we’ve done baht eggs, an nah we’re hevin; ta dew baht potatoes, an’ noab’dy knows what. In fact, we’ve reight nipped and screwed, thinkin’ it wer wer duty, an’ nah begow, as ahr Liza Ann says: “I’m bahn to hev ta dew wi’ahat me drop o’ Guinness!” I’m noah grum’lin an’ I sud ha’ said nowt, but 6d a bottle for staht is t’limit!
We’ve nipped and screwed but Guinness at 6d a bottle is the limit
Dialect columnist, ‘Owd Abe,’ also included a piece about the second year of putting the clocks forward for summertime. Hah did ya goa on wi’ puttin’ yer clocks an’ watches an hour for’ard o’ Setterda’ neet week? A lot o’ fowk forgat. An’ soa they wor ta lat’ for a lot o’ things next morning’ Ahr milk woman wor one ‘at did. When shoo com’ I as’d her if it wor t’mornin’ or t’neet milk ‘at shoo wor bringin’. An’ shoo wor noan so pleased. Joak Women doan’t like makin’ fun on. An’ I often think they they can’t or woan’t see a joak as sooin as a man – especially if it’s at their expense. Bud I think I wor a  bit ta bad when I tell’d her at neet at t’mornin’ milk had been champion.
“Happen,” I said, “t’clock deceived ya, an’ ya wor ta lat’ ta put t’wotter in,” I could see shoo wor mad. Fowk ‘at sells milk doesn’t like ya to mention wotter. They’re like mad dogs i’ that respect. Bud I believe some on ‘em puts wotter i’ the’r milk, all t’same. It’s t’warst when ivvery member o’ t’milkman’s family puts a drop in, an’ reckons he didn’t knaw ‘at t’others hed done it! It’s varry poor milk then. In fact, it isn’t wottered milk, but milked wotter! Another case o’ bein’ ta lat’ thro forgettin’ ta put t’clock for’ard were t’Idle Wesleyan organ blawer.
I’m tell’d ‘at Doazy – an’ there’s nobbud one Doazy i’ this world – hedn’t altered t’clock, an’ of course, when he gat to t’chapel o’ Sunda’ morning week, he were an hahr lat’. Anniversary An’ like a hengsman, ya can’t goa on wi’ t’organ wi’aht t’blawer. What Doazy said I darn’t tell ya. And ta mak’ things wahr, it wor t’Wesleyan anniversary! Soa onny on ya can see hah things wor, becos a anniversary wi’aht t’organ blawer isn’t a anniversary at all. Poor old Doazy! Them ‘at knaws him will see a lot i’ what I’ve said. An’  there’s monny a wahr chap i’ t’world ner Doazy. But when we’ve ta alter wer clocks agean he moan’t forget becos if he does he’ll be at t’chapel an hahr ta sooin.
“Fowk ‘at sells milk doesn’t like ya to mention wotter. They’re like mad dogs i’ that respect. Bud I believe some on ‘em puts wotter i’ the’r milk, all t’same.”
Folk who forgot to put their clocks for’ard
Rev Bernard Herklots, vicar of Shipley, who recently started to work in industry six mornings a week, is arranging for a special service to take place on the 29th April and to this he is inviting all his fellow munition workers. It will be a unique gathering, for it is the first of its kind to be held in this district. The vicar feels that there ought to be a collective acknowledgement of God on the part of those who are working for the war. Canal Ironworks Band Those who attend the service will  meet in Crowgill Park and go in procession to the church, headed by the Canal Ironworks’ Band, which along with the Canal Ironworks; Glee Union will lead the singing at the church. Mr Ernest Parkinson, head of the firm of J Parkinson & Son, is to read the lesson. By the way, the Rev J C Hirst, curate of the Parish Church, has followed the example of his vicar and he also is engaged on munitions.
Vicar plans special church service for fellow munitions workers
An excellent concert arranged by Mrs Ashbourne and Miss Clegg was given to the wounded soldiers at Saltaire Hospital on Monday evening. Songs and duets were ably rendered by Mr A S Hall, Mr Harry Holmes, Miss Simpson and Miss Kendal. Mr Waite, who is a very clever mimic and entertainer also gave a good ‘turn.’ A special feature of the evening was Miss Elsie Sykes, who was repeatedly encored. Her rendering of “The Army of today’s all right” bought the house down. Fruit and cigarettes were served to the soldiers.
Elsie steals the show
HOUSEHOLD TIPS KEEPING A BED AIRED To keep a bed well aired and dry when it is not in use, cover the mattress with several thicknesses of newspaper, cover the newspapers with the blankets belonging to the bed and spread a dust-sheet over all. When the bed is to be made ready for use, remove the newspapers, air the blankets in front of a fire or in strong sunlight; the bed itself will be found quite dry. The newspapers are fairly damp proof and the moisture of the air is taken up by the blankets which are more easily dried than a mattress or feather bed. GETTING BABY IN A COLD BATH Babies can be educated to enjoy a cool bath. One youngster, who was exceedingly hard to manage at first, grew to a condition of screaming with enthusiasm when he was allowed to float some rubber dolls and balls around in the bath. His dread of water was entirely removed in this way. In the beginning the bath was just warm enough to be comfortable; then the temperature was gradually lowered until he would endure the splash of almost cold water with the greatest delight. He beat the surface of the water with his rubber babies until he was splattered from head to foot. This is a much better way to manage a timid child than to attempt either force or argument. It is all very well to say that children should be disciplined but pressure on certain natures is dangerous and almost inevitably warps a naturally sweet disposition into something ungainly and unlovely.
CHEESE RICE AND CABBAGE Boil two or three tablespoonsful of rice in salted water for ten minutes, drain it in a strainer, pour through a little hot water and drain again. Spread the rice on a dish and dry it in a warm oven or near the fire for an hour or so. Boil a cabbage in salted water and before it becomes too soft, drain and chop it finely. In a saucepan melt a piece of butter the size of an egg (or substitute bacon fat), mix in the cabbage, season generously with salt and pepper, and after a few minutes’ gentle cooking add the rice. Allow it to become thoroughly hot and about two minutes before serving, stir in two good tablespoonsful of grated cheese. NUT AND CHEESE PUDDING Walnuts or a mixture of nuts are the best for this. Roast a quarter of a pound for a few minutes in the oven then put them through the nut-mill or chop them finely. Cook one ounce of margarine and a tablespoonful of chopped onion for a few minutes in a saucepan, taking care that they do not brown; then add a quarter of a pound of breadcrumbs, two tablespoonsful of finely-grated cheese, the grated rind and juice of a quarter of a lemon and pepper and salt. Mix well together and moisten with one egg, well beaten, and two or three tablespoonsful of milk. Put the mixture into a well-greased dish, sprinkle the rest of the cheese and the ground nuts over the top and bake in a moderate oven.
Economical dishes
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